...things are bad all over".
It's a line from "The Dover Bitch" by Anthony Hetch, a poem I rather enjoy that has absolutely nothing to do with the following, save that one line.
And things are bad. I've been laid off twice in the course of just a few months. I now have a job that doesn't pay enough, but it's a job. I'm lucky. I do oddball shit to make ends meet. My boyfriend is making way less than he was due to an injury that happened at work. He's in lots of pain, can't do anything fun, and I have to do all of his heavy lifting. Suffice it to say that things suck.
Now, I'm writing because I had an experience the other day that was sad and positive all rolled into one. I was at my local CVS pharmacy, and was my usual self. Dancing to the music, because it had a beat. In the store, just really not giving a shit about looking like an ass. Then I found these habit breaking patches that were rather amusing.
It struck me as funny. We're just after the New Year, and here are these things that are a 21 day program to break bad habits. And they had patches with habits to break such as: naughty, drama queen, and late. It was amusing. The naughty one was of particular interest to me, not that I see any problem whatsoever in my naughtiness. I, for one, revel in my naughtiness. I love it. I embrace it. I flaunt it like a Robbins Bros engagement ring that my mate couldn't afford but I pressured him into anyway. Suffice it to say, I love being naughty.
So, I'm laughing. And I asked the cashier how much it was. I was expecting maybe $2, and if that was the case, bet your ass it would have been mine, and I would have shared it with all of my fellow naughty friends, and we would have had a nice chuckle together. But no. That shit was $4.99.
That is not even the point of why I'm writing. I'm cracking up, dancing, making small talk with the cashier. And she said something that struck me as sad. She said "You're the only happy person I've seen today."
Now, I don't know how long she'd been there, but I was there pretty late in the day. I'd gotten there at maybe 4:30pm-ish. And no one was happy all day?
After she said that, I replied "I'm sorry." And I am. She told me people are so sour they are making her not want to exhibit the basic niceties. Asking her customers how they're doing. Things like that. It was bringing her down. It's sad.
Now, I know, again, that times suck. And that particular CVS is the one that I frequent, despite the fact that there is this funky smell of ass that punches you in the face the very second you walk through the door. No one really likes getting prescriptions, and mine was just to keep me from getting knocked up. Not making babies I can't afford is a reason to smile. Then, I actually used the coupons they keep giving me, and I had 3 applicable. I saved $9 on a $30 purchase. And that's on top of already getting things at 75% off on clearance. Yet another reason to be happy. The Jew in me was beaming with pride. And I think I may have just gotten back from seeing my main Jew, so it was a pretty decent time all around. At least that day.
Back to the point. The point is times are shitty. We all know this. We can mope. We can bark at people who are being reasonably nice, or at least cordial towards us. None of this will help to make us feel better.
What can we do?
We can try to suck it up, and just make an attempt to be happy. Find a silver lining on the bleak horizon. A ray of sunshine. A fun cliché that wasn't any of the ones I just mentioned. Crack a joke. Dance badly. Make our belly buttons talk. Be nice to those helping us. Be nice to those we help. Being sour about things can only affect us negatively. Stress impacts our health and our general well being. And the majority of us are in the same boat. Or at least a similar one.
While things are bad, try to keep these things in mind. Things can ALWAYS get worse. I know that despite how shitty things have been for me, I have my mate, a job, and some really good friends. Things could be worse. They would be worse if I wasn't dancing at CVS. If I wasn't the dancing coke can Jim says I am. And maybe it helps that I've been through way worse. I have a roof over my head, food in my cupboards, and a group of incredible people that make me smile.
I'm happy. Clap clap.
The Dover Bitch by Anthony Hecht
A Criticism of Life: for Andrews Wanning
So there stood Matthew Arnold and this girl
With the cliffs of England crumbling away behind them,
And he said to her, 'Try to be true to me,
And I'll do the same for you, for things are bad
All over, etc., etc.'
Well now, I knew this girl. It's true she had read
Sophocles in a fairly good translation
And caught that bitter allusion to the sea,
But all the time he was talking she had in mind
The notion of what his whiskers would feel like
On the back of her neck. She told me later on
That after a while she got to looking out
At the lights across the channel, and really felt sad,
Thinking of all the wine and enormous beds
And blandishments in French and the perfumes.
And then she got really angry. To have been brought
All the way down from London, and then be addressed
As a sort of mournful cosmic last resort
Is really tough on a girl, and she was pretty.
Anyway, she watched him pace the room
And finger his watch-chain and seem to sweat a bit,
And then she said one or two unprintable things.
But you mustn't judge her by that. What I mean to say is,
She's really all right. I still see her once in a while
And she always treats me right. We have a drink
And I give her a good time, and perhaps it's a year
Before I see her again, but there she is,
Running to fat, but dependable as they come.
And sometimes I bring her a bottle of Nuit d' Amour.
Soak Up the Sun- Sheryl Crow
(verse)
My friend the communist
Holds meetings in his rv
I cant afford his gas
So Im stuck here watching tv
I dont have digital
I dont have diddly squat
Its not having what you want
Its wanting what youve got
(chorus)
Im gonna soak up the sun
Im gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (Im gonna tell em that)
Ive got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
Im looking up
Im gonna soak up the sun
Im gonna soak up the sun
(verse)
Ive got a crummy job
It dont pay near enough
To buy the things it takes
To win me some of your love
Every time I turn around
Im looking up, youre looking down
Maybe somethings wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
(chorus)
Im gonna soak up the sun
Im gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (Im gonna tell em that)
Ive got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
Im looking up
Im gonna soak up the sun
While its still free
Im gonna soak up the sun
Before it goes out on me
(verse)
Dont have no master suite
Im still the king of me
You have a fancy ride, but baby
Im the one who has the key
Every time I turn around
Im looking up, youre looking down
Maybe somethings wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe I am crazy too
(chorus)
Im gonna soak up the sun
Im gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (Im gonna tell em that)
Ive got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
Im looking up
(chorus)
Im gonna soak up the sun
Im gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (Im gonna tell em that)
Ive got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
Im looking up
(end)
Im gonna soak up the sun
Got my 45 on
So I can rock on
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